As you know, I have taken some time off from writing on my blog but remain in a very dark place and writing about my experience has been very therapeutic for me. It has saved me from many dark sleepless nights and as dark,raw and honest as my blogs can be, I appreciate all the positive feed back.
Yesterday was my 1 year Anniversary, yes it has been 365 days since my initial hospitalization and the beginning of my nightmare. I have remained hopeful all year that this Christmas season would be different from last year, that this year would be full of happiness and good health for me, my children and family. For those who know me, know that I try to remain positive, determined and fight like hell, however, lately this has been very challenging for many reasons and mostly out of my control.
After complaining to my Doctors continuously for 10 months straight about the amount of pain I am in , they finally decided to do a CT scan (10 months it took them) and at the end of October they found that I have an infection inside me, the worst part is that it has been there since I was released from the hospital nearly 12 months ago. So I have had poison in my body for nearly a year and the doctors didn’t know. How could this happen? how incapable are these doctors? Since finding this out, the doctors have put me through multiple “painful” procedures, including having a drain inserted inside me between my liver and lungs as well as a pic line inserted so the home health care nurses can come into my home and administer antibiotics 2x day. The doctors goal is to keep me out of the hospital.
My family and I are convinced there have been multiple mistakes made during my initial 23 day hospital stay, but this recent oversight is the last mistake I am going to allow these doctors to make. I am scheduled to go to the MAYO clinic next week in Rochester, a place where I believe I will get the care and treatment I deserve. If any of you or a loved one has gone through something similar you understand my frustration, anger and sadness. When it comes to our health, we have to be our own Advocates and speak up for ourselves. We know our bodies better then anyone and know when something isn’t right. How I wish my doctors would have listened to me earlier and ran these tests months ago.
So my take away from this blog is if you know something isn’t right, speak up and get something done. Get a second opinion, find another doctor is you have to. I really thought I was in good hands, but on top of this being a life threatening infection, I have been put through multiple unnecessary procedures now that could have been avoided, had they listened to me in the first place. I am hopeful that the Mayo Clinic will provide doctors who will work with me and care if I live or die. We are hopeful that they will be able to take my case over and help get me back to good health.
I have many different emotions right now, it is obvious that I am angry, but I have very valid reasons. One of the hardest things for me is watching my kids and family have to continuously sacrifice there lives because of my ongoing health problems and to see the exhausting impact it has on them on a daily basis. My children, who should be busy just being kids and having fun, are instead being caregivers for their mother. This would make any mother sad, frustrated and angry.
Everyone’s prayers have been very appreciated and please keep them coming. Lastly, I hope everyone enjoys the Holiday season and I hope you are able to spend time with your friends & family. Life is short, spend time with your kids while you can and be thankful for the things you have. Do not take anything for granted!!!!!
Much love- Jenn